you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
