What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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