I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
