i permit you to call me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
