What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
