Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
