3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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