Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
ttyl tear gas
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
