I think I won the penis lottery.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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