In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
