That's intense
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize