No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
