"it" just moved
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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