You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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