T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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