I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
