Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
