apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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