mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize