This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
