So drunk its hurt
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
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I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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