I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
