every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
