i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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