I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
