guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize