i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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