He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
