Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
