I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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