We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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