Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize