I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
