dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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