the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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