So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
