Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and she was petting her beer can
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.