I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack