Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it