I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch