that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
