I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.