What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
