Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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