he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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