I'm so fucking centered right now
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
