worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
