omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Come see our sink grown plant.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
