god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize