just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
