I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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