he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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