No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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