which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
