my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
