i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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