If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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