I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I touched a dick in church today
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
