Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
