You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
