You can't motorboat a personality
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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