We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
