I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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