when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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