Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
