He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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