I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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