Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
