She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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