We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
