Dignity is for republicans.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
