we have officially lost it.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
