Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
