Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
