hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
