i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
