just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
