I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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