did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
