I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
